Does Batman Wear “Enhanced” Armor?

Heroes have to keep up with what one another is wearing. If we didn’t have some basic love for fashion, we’d all wear orange jumpsuits. Except that’s what the criminals wear.

Checking out some photos from the competition I noticed something odd. Batman has always looked to me like somebody who might just have a teensy S&M dungeon hidden in the Bat Cave. But I happened to notice the armored cod piece.

Wow.

I can’t help but wonder: is the Batman somehow “enhancing” his armor? Is that cod pieced stuffed with some extra trout?

I can see the need for protection. Batman doesn’t have lightning-fast reflexes, and he deserves the right to not get his balls shot off every time he answers the Bat Phone. But his armor is just so big. You can’t stop looking at it.

He’s sending a signal, a cry for help, as clear as the Batman sign flashing in the night sky: “Ladies, I am closed off, unavailable. Do not try to unlock my codpiece, for it is off-limits.”

The guy needs to recognize what he has: even though he has no superpowers of his own, he’s got a fantastic mansion with a swank underground hidden cave, a bank account the size of Saturn and a hit movie. What does he have to worry about?

My fashion advice: you can never go wrong with tights. Forget the body armor. It must get so hot! Tights are lightweight, cheap, easy to repair if damaged, and look great if you want to go out dancing after fighting crime.