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Gear - The Taste of Freedom

Seven Common Places Heroes Store Their Supergear

Superhero Style
Heroes occasionally have to act like normal people in totally unexpected ways. We sometimes pull over to get gas right in the middle of a car chase, we’re forced to shave before committing acts of heroism (company policy) and we need some place to keep our stuff: keys, civilian clothes, snacks, mirror, light cosmetics […]

I Think the Roomba Is Stealing

Even the smallest secret headquarters requires a ton of maintenance – biohazard samples from the crime lab must be disposed of in accordance with local law, costumes must be darned, sewn, capes frequently dry cleaned and dinosaur droppings must be cleaned from the litter box, and let’s not even discuss the toxic slop that ends […]

Ask The Superhero - Save the Cheerleader, Save the World?

The good people of Medium at Large graciously published this pressing question about cheerleaders.
Is ‘Save the Cheerleader, Save the World’ Always True?
T. Kring,

I’m guessing that you’re asking about this specific plot resolution offered by the hit television show Heroes. Because I’m feeling as magnanimous as Doctor Magma is hot, I will answer this question […]

Freedom’s Library in McSweeney’s

You cannot fight evil without a solid library, and fortunately some person named Timothy McSweeney was kind enough to post excerpts from some of my favorites, including:

Let’s Go—Evil!
Battling Recently Reawakened Ancient Evils for Dummies
Rand McNally’s Atlas of Pirate Getaways
Flash Gordon’s Superhero Handbook
Clandestine: Its People, Culture, and Folkways

You can read more from each title in […]

Measuring Windows Vista’s Impact on the Superhero world

Conventional reporters have covered the myriad failures of the initial release of Microsoft Vista, which has more bugs than the Watergate hotel during the primary season. Few have realized the crippling effects that this half-baked operating system has had on those mighty early adopters who protect us all, the superheroes, and their enemies.
Antivirus Software Causes […]

Five Conceptual Abilities that Are Almost Superpowers

1. Knowing the right wine at the right time
If you understand the difficult pairings of wine and food you understand basically everything about human nature, physics and the astral plane. Should you be able to boldly and correctly combine a wine with fiery Indian food (hint: not Cabernet Sauvignon), a victual most often combined with […]

Shocking Truths About Taser Safety

As tasers become used more in daily lives, by everyone from parking lot attendants to perfume counter clerks and at staff meetings we need to outline their safe and effective use. This Instruction Page could be tacked up in every workplace, in between the sexual harassment poster and the federal employment guidelines poster, and covering […]

When You Smile for the Camera

The Paparazzi have a new, fearsome weapon… the Tibetan Death Camera.
As a Superhero you can’t help but be photographed, and only 99% of the time do you wish to punch the cameraman in the face. It’s almost a twitch, a nervous reaction, as if you had an allergy, but instead of sneezing and itchy ears […]

Everything You Need To Know about Professional Athletes and Guns

After the brief skirmish that New York Giants sharpshooter Plaxico Burress experienced with himself at a nightclub, it’s time for a brief FAQ so you can better understand the relationship between weapons and Professional Athletes.
[Above image features typical ice skate/shiv combo– Bionicle News.]
Where did these athletes get guns in the first place?
Part of the problem […]

Does Batman Wear “Enhanced” Armor?

Heroes have to keep up with what one another is wearing. If we didn’t have some basic love for fashion, we’d all wear orange jumpsuits. Except that’s what the criminals wear.
Checking out some photos from the competition I noticed something odd. Batman has always looked to me like somebody who might just have a teensy […]